Sunday, October 31, 2010
♥ Sunday, October 31, 2010
again and again and again
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and it happened again after yesterday's race. Arguing over the same issue. YES Again. I am sick of debating over this problem after every race. If I were smart enough, perhaps I would have shut my mouth and be contented that I am rowing for the team. Unfortunately, I can't.
And sadly, there isn't anyone in the team who agrees with me. Spoke to Chit and Michelle and they seemed to understand me perfectly. Perhaps I am still in my NJ mode and other options just aren't acceptable. Maybe I am the one who needs to change my mindset because not every team works the same way.
or maybe I'll need to think if this is what I really want.
Thursday, October 28, 2010
♥ Thursday, October 28, 2010
the friendship test. are you game?
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Imagine if you were so alone in some other part of the world, maybe surrounded by new environment, new friends, and when you need someone to talk to, there isn't really anyone available who can listen to you. Or at times of desperation, your friends will just shun you like a contagious virus. Sounds familiar?
It's normally at times like this when you wonder if you have genuine, sincere friends who treat you the way you want to be treated.
Yesterday, I had a long chat with jingxiu on msn and I realized it has been a while since I last spoke to her after she left for Holland to further her studies. Perhaps I have not been in contact with her for months, I was pretty surprised how mature she became, in a span of 3 months?!
Guilt. Yes. Full of it. I began to think of my old pals who are currently overseas - jingxiu, junyan, michelle, valmond. I am guilty of giving people the impression that I am not making an effort to maintain the friendship when he/she tries to keep me as a friend. I gotta admit that I am too caught up with my surroundings, even more so since I have started working, that at certain point of time, without realizing, I have started to take my close friends for granted, which include letting people wait hours for me or I just nonchalantly told them I could not make it because of work, too tired, etc,etc...
Do you do the same to your close pals too?
I am truly grateful for the 2.5 weeks break. During the break, I managed to catch up with quite a bit of people whom I have pretty lost touch with during work, be it on msn, facebook or meet ups. I began to sit back, reflect about life, what I really want to, things I want to achieve before I turn 30 (yes I do have a list!), kinship and friendship. Yes, especially friendship. For me, I am indeed grateful to have close friends who really treasure me as a genuine friend, those who recognize my flaws and still accept me for who I am and those who have been with me at times of difficulties.
Friends - there are many different definitions of friends. There are friends whom you know are really sincere to be friends with you, showing concern, sharing the woes and the joys. There are friends who have been by my side for the longest time, eg Jessine and Chit. I have friends who became much closer to me after we went separate ways, eg Michelle, Jingxiu, Charmane, Liyana, Shaun, Chun Kiat.
Of course, there is always a negative side of 'friends' too. There are those who have entered in your life for a period of time and probably the next time you will see them is on facebook's news feed. There is also those whom you just wanna have fun with, and that's about it and those whom you just talk just for the sake of erm talking.
Yes I have over 500 friends on facebook but if you ask me who my genuine friends are, sad to say I can only list a handful, not even a 10%. Don't get the wrong idea, I am not complaining how pathetic I am. Just that I thought I might have neglected the true friends when I have been blinded by my own surroundings. Perhaps I have placed too much time and effort on people who are not so worthy. Happens pretty often.
Time will definitely tell, whether the person is a friend to keep. FOR LIFE.
The friendship test begins. Are you game for it?
Monday, October 25, 2010
♥ Monday, October 25, 2010
Thursday, October 21, 2010
♥ Thursday, October 21, 2010
Too much, too many
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I can't believe 10 months of 2010 just whizzed past and we are already in October, enjoying Okterberfest and in 2 months, we will be welcoming 2011. It's amazing how time flies, even more so especially when you start working. 15 months in my first job. I am proud to say that I am one of the few of my peers who stayed in their first job this long.
15 months. It is indeed a good 15 months. During this period, I have definitely learnt and grown a lot. It's a place where I will never regret going to, it moulds me into who I am today, a stronger, more confident and independent lady standing here. I appreciate all the opportunities and assistance I have received during this period. and all the friends I have met during my stay here, I will miss you guys. LOADS.
so about that guy. let's just name him SNORTA. So the previous post was referring to him, and then I confessed to him (oh yes I did and no1 could believe how brave I was). It didnt turn out the way I have expected, but at least I got an answer from him. and after that was a hot and cold period. He tried to make things back to the way they were before and I refused. It was only when I know I got the offer and I was about to leave, then I became back to normal with him. But don't be mistaken, he is not the reason why I decided to move on. I just wanted to end things on a good note.
Perhaps things got out of control. I am back to falling for SNORTA again. Then it came to a point that I just accepted the fact that I do like him but I will not go to the extent of waiting for things to happen between us. and then it became 'I will do whatever that makes me happy, don't be too emotionally invested, always keep in check in emotions and where i am heading. and at the same time keep my options open.' Reality checks have to be done before and after meeting him (don't ask me how. I have no idea too). to the extent that it became really tiring for me. Sometimes I do wonder, am I beginning to expect anything out of this relationship?
TOO MUCH. It is becoming too much. too many meet ups, too many conversations over the phone, too much time spent tgt, too much fun, too much details. Too much of anything is not always a good thing. Because once it's gone, it is gonna hurt like withdrawal symptoms and it can be pretty ugly. So how much is too much? and when is it too much to bear?
I like the way Shaun said it, 'Bro you gotta diversify to reduce your overall portfolio risk. We finance students, must think and act what we studied. Don't limit yourself to one guy.'
Well said.
Maybe the letter will be the deciding factor. Which I absolutely have no idea when it will appear. or maybe it will not.
