i have not been myself lately. laughing hysterically. tearing for no apparent reason. im losing faith. im losing control of myself. this week has been crazy. i dun think it ll get better for the next few weeks. i lost my temper in canoe polo. helpless. despair. didnt manage to roll up this time round. bad passes. making the same mistakes that i know i shouldnt. damn it damn it damn it. frustrated. feeling hopeless. shit. i hate this feeling.

sometimes, working hard doesnt mean u ll get wat u want.

and perhaps when u get started, things may not seem to be as hard as u think it would.

today's comm mgmt was farny. extremely funny. and i can say that our whole class actually did pretty well.. my class is super entertaining i muz say. today, i introduced dragonboating and i managed to borrow a paddle from xw and many of my tutorial mates actually pretended to look intimidated when they saw the paddle k!! ym's part was rather farny esp at that part when she said that krystle can now participate in this hobby with her husband's'. omg jokes!! and how alvin try to sound farny and target at krystle as well by including her two sons and two daughters. haha. and how krystle introduced the hula hoop exercise to the class and actually claimed that she had used it to regain back her pre pregnancy figure. and when the tutor asked her to demo to the class, we realised that she didnt noe how to do it as well.. omg.. it was really an enjoyable time!! =)

had mkting presentation ltr on secret recipe. seriously i was juz reading off the slides and the tutor actually said that we were good presenters.. hmmm weird.. hf's grp was entertaining with all the video and everything. they nv fail to surprise us with sth different. haha.. but anw im freaking relieve that all my presentations are over so now i can fully focus on mugging for my exams. so now im officially known as mugger yew!! =)

i loveee wed. wed = no more tutorials for the week = weekends are coming soonnn!! wheee.. cant wait for sat so that i can meet up with my dearest jx (so dun say i always bully u k!!) and chitty!! sighh i suddenly dun feel like gg for lectures tml.. oh man.. im losing the discipline!! bad bad!! :(

i wanna take a break from this hectic schedule. catch up with friends like chit hy ps plus the rest of the team and jx pf sx daisy bek xt and many many others . juz hang out with pple and chill out. perhaps juz having a simple dinner at one of the canteens with my tutorial mates like wat we did juz now and walk around crazily at the sun. cant believe that we actually walk around that pathetic mart for abt 20 mins and in the end mindy was the only one who bot her nuts. how we can actually self entertain ourselves and how kugen can be racist against his own race. haha. hows wrong with being crazy? hows wrong with being high? at least i can escape from the reality for a few moments.

for the first time, i stood outside my house for 10 minutes, as i heard noises coming from within. Tears started streaming down my cheeks and sumhow i juz couldn't seem to control it. why? i always ask myself. i guess this is the only question whereby i dun think ill be able to find an ans to even when i reach 100 yrs old. and the only thing i can do: accept the reality.

i began to knock the door, wiping away the tears from my face. my sis opened the door and i greeted her with the brightest smile i can give, 'Hi! im home.'

haha since i got really inspired by hy's blog that nth is constant except change, me shall state my list of things that i loveeee currently. =)

• i love my class. MINDY. yimeimei. andrew. huifen. szemay. adel. krystle. valleymon. kelvin. kuggy bear. yw. and many others that i cant seem to recall now.. hoohoohoo
• of coz i love HUIYING CHITENG AND PEISHAN EVEN MORE!! :D
• songs i love currently: walk away, what hurts the most, zhe me ban, just so u know, the theme song for music and lyrics, it ends tonight. repeat mode for them. i lovee
• i love jap food. sushi udon or bento. anithing
• i have a thing for si wen bai lei now. yay!!
• i love my laptop (after i lend it to hy.. miss it damn alot!!)
• i love essential brew
• i love xiuyi and quan in hana kimi. =D
• i love my weekly dosage of strawberry mango juice

yep. thats abt it. need to pia for mkting, OB and comm mgmt. and its 330am now. im currently damn high. cant sleep even though i had trng like juz now?? haha.. oh earlier in the afternoon i almost lost my OB tb. made me panick like mad. but thinking back, i have no idea why i actually panicked. lost den lost lor. den dun need to study for OB. seriously that module sux! x_X

i think im gonna die a slowwww death for the next few weeks.

• next week: 3 presentations
• next next week: stats quiz. OB report. econs quiz??
• next next next week: KILLING URSELF WITH MATHEMATICS presentation. meeting with *ahem
• next next next next.... week: exams (PUI!!)

although i did a quiz that actually stated that im gonna die only at the age of 100 yrs old and its due to too much internet usage(wat utter rubbish), im sure all these will definitely help accelerate my one way ticket to heaven or perhaps hell. im gonna start mugging. u can call me MUGGER YEW from now on.. =) and im so thankful that im gonna have a couple of sweeet escapes from this hectic schedule. meeting chit on sat. friendly match with nus on sunday(omg i actually said that). team gathering!!! and oh XIE JINGXIU is gonna TREAT ME LUNCH NEXT SAT!! i shall cap it so that she cant take back her words. hurhur. so which hotel are we gg?? =p

oh and im proud to announce that i actually attended the whole land trng today!! hoohoohoo.. though i kinda (ok extremely) dread land trng. i guess my tutorial mate can tell.. i always leave my shoe bag behind and pretend to forget to take it with me. but somehow there ll be someone who ll remind me to take it with me. =(

oh and dun worry ps!! i did understand what u have said during the run. and i swear u are not a slave driver. and im not scared of u. and ill promise u that u ll see the grrr grrr look on my face during the next game.. =)

i hate living with mathematics. not the project but coz of the pple. i hate PRC. ok i swear i didnt really have a negative impression of them initially coz i had worked with one b4 for my pw back in nj. but this is too much.. argh.. oh man.. they make my blood boil

anw i guess im damn stressed these days. like during econs, val actually turned and asked me what durable goods mean. and i told him," oh goods that are durable." omg. his expression was classic. haha. and after my maths meeting, it became worse. kugen made me laugh like the 12th round until i can actually forget wat i was laughing abt. oh ylp!! u better stop being so lame b4 pple come to u and kick u until u become lame literally. hahah

oh well.. garfield comics is getting lame too

garfield: *yawn
jon:*yawn
garfield: cool! im a trendsetter

ant: i wish im thinner
garfield: *hit the ant until it became really flat
ant: i said i wanna be thin NOT flat

haha.. the reason why i read the papers everyday faithfully

trng was good today i guess. ps knew im not really comfortable supporting outside so she insisted that i shld be outside when we were attacking. ok. so i OBEDIENTLY stayed outside while the rest went in. and i still OBEDIENTLY stayed outside when there was a huge opening in front of me. GREAT. sometimes i really wonder where my brains went to when i play games. haha.. -_- maybe i should juz go in and bang the rest lah huh..

had OB meeting too. and we were talking abt Social Information-processing (SIP) Model - What other people tell us about our jobs shape our perceptions and reactions to our jobs. and hs gave us an analogy that when pple keep telling u OB sucks, u ll subsequently think that OB sucks. omg thats so untrue. u dun need pple to TELL u that OB sucks. u ll know it after u have ur first tutorial. and u juz need to base on ur 5 basic senses. no need the influence by the rest. ha

and some pple are juz hmmm i dunno. when im having a conversation with some1, dun u think itd damn rude to interupt and give ur sarcastic comments esp when im not even toking to u in the first place? and when u ask a qn, ill face(well thats being polite) u and juz ans ur qn. why ask stupid qn like " huh why are u directing ur ans at me?" u ask so i ans. isnt it like common sense?

oh and i have like 10 postcards of my fav eye candy d*****d.. *beams*

so now we are at the topic on whether life is fair. was on my way home with andrew and then we suddenly came across this topic. andrew actually said that it is. coz if u put in effort den u ll definitely succeed in achieving ur goals that u have set for yourself. however i beg to differ. i feel life is rather unfair.putting in effort doesnt mean u ll definitely succeed. for example, if u have a passion for something but lack the talent, will you actually succeed even if u put in the effort? well maybe to a certain extent. like for me, i really do have a passion for canoeing, and i do feel i put in alot of effort for it, yet i didnt achieve the goals i set for myself. yet some pple can just achieve them with the minimum effort. pls do not be mistaken. im not trying to say that if u dun have the talent in a certain area, u should just stop trying. its juz that perhaps u have to try like 4 times harder than those who have. get wat i mean? or maybe u wun even be as good as them. therefore i conclude the talent does play a part and not everyone has that. thus life is unfair. period. no wonder yong detests the 'talented' canoeists back in my njcanoeing days.

boy i suddenly miss those days. i miss rowing in my yellow k2, the heaviest amongst the rest of the k2s. the one with the most bandages. i miss doing the take offs - 5-10 at macritchie reservoir. i miss how our k2 boat glide thru the calm water after the take offs. i miss the adrenaline rush when we did the 20 hard 10 easy sets. i miss the way we did our last charge during our 500m sets as if it was the last. i miss those days when i couldnt stand your super duper slow cycle and how tough it was to coordinate with u coz i was always a split second faster than u. i miss doing imagery on land with u. i miss rowing behind u. i miss u VAN!! and how we made our last race a memorable one. not only for us but also for sm and debbie as well. how we screamed "GO NJ!!!!!" during our race. oh man i dunno how we did it but yar. =)

ok i noe its kinda random but yar. i really love being random. =)

marketing presentation today was relatively alright. well not bad for me since i was super duper tired and i didnt prepare my script. everything was a ok until the Q and A section.

krystle: so what if your chef decides to quit one day(well we only intend to hire one chef)? does that mean u cannot continue your business?

sze may: well we do have some hidden talent among us. like leepeng. she can actually make nice desserts and if our chef really leaves, she can be our dessert chef for the time being ( i think her ans was sth like that.)

me: ( i swear i could feel that my eyeballs almost dropped out when she said that) *nod head and smile sheepishly to the audience and the tutor* (well i cant possibly say no right?)

i guess i pretty enjoy randomness. esp when im super duper stressed. ill start spending on impulse. like there's no tml. for example, i just highlighted my hair ytd at chapter 2. why? coz im damn stress and i wanna do sth i have nth done b4. so i juz highlight my hair orangy red. COOL!! i like!! =)

went out with hy ytd. marina square again. but it doesnt matter coz the company was great (oh hy arent u honoured?? =)) sigh.. i cant rmb the last time i went out with her. and chit!! =( we were deciding wat to eat and surprisingly, we were soo ke qi with each other. she suggested kenny roger's and i felt like having carl's junior. and we decided to have the other party's choice. its so erm weird.. and i actually said,"ok lah, let's have kenny lah since u are hungry." oh hy, thats not me. i muz be possessed.. heee.. and so we had carl's *beams*.. so maybe next time i shall pretend to be ke qi with her so that i can have everything my way.. muahahaha.. i think marketing makes me smarter.. =)

had marketing meeting juz now with may. to be frank i wasnt in one of my fantastic mood today coz i felt so depressed knowing that i ll be bz during the weekend juz having project meetings.. sorry may if i did throw my temper at u. =p but glad we did alot of work today. felt accomplished sumhow.. =).. so another project meeting tml. sigh pie

oh after that was the friendly match against the national team. 2.5 matches with them is no joke can. i almost died trying to chase after them. esp after the first game. but i can say im pretty happy with myself today. coz i managed to create an opening and called out "zhong jian kai liao!!!" even though no1 like heard me. oh well. i screamed ok!!! better than nth. =) and thanks hy for that comment. really do appreciate it.. =)

WARNING!! THIS POST IS FREAKING RANDOM. SO IF U DUN SEE ANY LINK, ITS OK BABY!! =)

sigh sigh!! recess week flew past me just like that. damn. i realise i didnt get any work done. ok at least i managed to catch up for stats and econs but my OB is like so so so dead. seriously. i hate this sem's modules lah. and the teachers. they suck. badly. ok maybe biz is so not for me. alright. too late to say that actually.

celebrated yw's birthday. happy happy birthday!! hopefully u ll be more mature and less lame since u have reached 22. and whipped cream is good for the face!! muahaha =)

i have to say that i HATE living with mathematics. totally regret taking this module. 50% project and 50% exams. pple told me i was retarded for taking tt.. they are so right can!! and this is one of the few times i was actually so freaking pissed with one of the projectmates. like ARGH.. i wanna puke blood and die immediately kind. when he msg me whether the meeting was at 430 when the rest of us were already there waiting for him at 330 ( ok 1530 in the email since hes such an am/pm person), i just wanna throw my hp and grab one of the shotover paddles at src and whack him on the head. ARGH!! i mean pple who know me know that i seldom lose my temper.. he can get an award for doing so already. damn.

oh.. had stats test juz ytd. oh i so loveee maths lah.. not as tough as i expected so can pass lah huh!! =) expectations not too high!! heehee

i dun wanna eat at quad animore!! damn sian can!!

shows i wanna watch:

1. hana kimi!!
2. heroes
3. ugly betty
4. dreamgirls

yep.. tts abt it!! and damnit!! i have two presentations next week again!! submittion of maths project the week after. den another 3 presentations 3 weeks later. den OB individual report. i feel like murdering some1. who wanna be first?? all are welcome!! =)

Listen
To the song here in my heart
A melody I start but can't complete
Listen
To the sound from deep within
It's only begginnig to find release

[Pre - Chorus 1:]
Oh the time has come
For my dreams to be heard
They will not be pushed aside and turned
Into your own all 'cause you won't listen

[CHORUS:]
Listen I am alone at a crossroads
I'm not at home in my own home
And I've tried and tried to say what's on my mind
You should have known
Oh now I'm done believing you
You don't know what I'm feeling
I'm more than what you made of me
I followed the voice you gave to me
But now I've got to find my own

[Verse 2:]
You should have listened
There is someone here inside
Someone I thought had died so long ago

[Pre - Chorus 2:]
Oh I'm screaming out
And my dreams will be heard
They will not be pushed aside or worse bent to your own all 'cause you won't listen

[CHORUS]

[Bridge:]
I don't know where I belong
But I'll be moving on
If you don't If you won't

[CHORUS 2:]
Listen To the song here in my heart
A melody I start and I will complete
Oh now I'm done believing you
You don't know what I'm feeling
I'm more than what you made of me
I followed the voice you think you gave to me
But now I've got to find my own
My own...

another sad yet beautiful song written and sung by beyonce knowles
love it =)

leepeng. 23. SNORTSS.
20/07/1987.
Cancerian
KELLOCK-ian. GESS-ian. NJC-ian
NTU BUSINESS SCHOOL
NTU Canoe Polo


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zhanyi

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